 | | Small, shy immortal wood-nymph hugging her knees.
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< Early Feminist Essays | Emily Dickinson's Nature Mysticism >
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"Emily Dickinson's Letters" by Thomas Wentworth Higginson -- (pg.9)
text pub. Atlantic Monthly, October, 1891
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(page 9)
t last, after many postponements, on
August 16, 1870, I found myself face
to face with my hitherto unseen correspondent. It was at her father’s house, one of those large, square, brick mansions so familiar in our older New
England towns, surrounded by trees and
blossoming shrubs without, and within
exquisitely neat, cool, spacious, and fragrant with flowers. After a little delay, I heard an extremely faint and pattering footstep like that of a child, in the
hall, and in glided, almost noiselessly, a
plain, shy little person, the face without
a single good feature, but with eyes, as
she herself said, "like the sherry the
guest leaves in the glass," and with
smooth bands of reddish chestnut hair.
She had a quaint and nun-like look, as
if she might be a German canoness of
some religious order, whose prescribed
garb was white piqué, with a blue net
worsted shawl. She came toward me
with two day-lilies, which she put in a
childlike way into my hand, saying softly, under her breath, "These are my
introduction," and adding, also, under
her breath, in childlike fashion, "Forgive me if I am frightened; I never see
strangers, and hardly know what I say."
But soon she began to talk, and thenceforward continued almost constantly;
pausing sometimes to beg that I would
talk instead, but readily recommencing
when I evaded. There was not a trace
of affectation in all this; she seemed to
speak absolutely for her own relief, and
wholly without watching its effect on her
hearer. Led on by me, she told much
about her early life, in which her father
was always the chief figure, -- evidently
a man of the old type,
of Puritanism -- a man who, as she said,
read on Sunday "lonely and rigorous
books;" and who had from childhood inspired her with such awe, that she never learned to tell time by the clock till she was fifteen, simply because he had tried to explain it to her when she was a little
child, and she had been afraid to tell
him that she did not understand, and
also afraid to ask any one else lest he
should hear of it. Yet she had never
heard him speak a harsh word, and it
needed only a glance at his photograph
to see how truly the Puritan tradition
was preserved in him. He did not wish
his children, when little, to read anything but the Bible; and when, one day, her brother brought her home Longfellow's "Kavanagh," he put it secretly under the pianoforte cover, made signs to
her, and they both afterwards read it.
It may have been before this, however,
that a student of her father's was amazed
to find that she and her brother had never
heard of Lydia Maria Child, then much
read, and he brought "Letters from New
York," and hid it in the great bush of
old-fashioned tree-box beside the front
door. After the first book she thought
in ecstasy, "This, then, is a book, and
there are more of them." But she did
not find so many as she expected, for she
afterwards said to me, "When I lost the
use of my eyes, it was a comfort to think
that there were so few real books that I
could easily find one to read me all of
them." Afterwards, when she regained
her eyes, she read Shakespeare, and
thought to herself, "Why is any other
book needed?"
She went on talking constantly and
saying, in the midst of narrative, things
quaint and aphoristic. "Is it oblivion
or absorption when things pass from our
minds?" "Truth is such a rare thing,
it is delightful to tell it." "I find ecstacy in living; the mere sense of living is joy enough." When I asked her if she
never felt any want of employment, not
going off the grounds and rarely seeing a visitor, she answered, "I never
thought of conceiving that I could ever
have the slightest approach to such a
want in all future time;" and then added, after a pause, "I feel that I have not expressed myself strongly enough,"
although it seemed to me that she had.
She told me of her household occupations, that she made all their bread, because her father liked only hers; then
saying shyly, "And people must have
puddings," this very timidly and suggestively, as if they were meteors or comets. Interspersed with these confidences came
phrases so emphasized as to seem the
very wantonness of over-statement, as if
she pleased herself with putting into
words what the most extravagant might
possibly think without saying, as thus:
"How do most people live without any
thoughts? There are many people in
the world, -- you must have noticed them
in the street, -- how do they live? How
do they get strength to put on their
clothes in the morning?" Or this crowning extravaganza: "If I read a book
and it makes my whole body so cold
no fire can ever warm me, I know that
is poetry. If I feel physically as if
the top of my head were taken off, I
know that is poetry. These are the only
ways I know it. Is there any other
way?"
I have tried to describe her just as she
was, with the aid of notes taken at the
time; but this interview left our relation
very much what it was before; -- on my
side an interest that was strong and even
affectionate, but not based on any thorough comprehension; and on her side
a hope, always rather baffled, that I
should afford some aid in solving her
abstruse problem of life.
The impression undoubtedly made on
me was that of an excess of tension, and
of an abnormal life. Perhaps in time I
could have got beyond that somewhat
overstrained relation which not my will,
but her needs, had forced upon us. Certainly I should have been most glad to
bring it down to the level of simple
truth and every-day comradeship; but it
was not altogether easy. She was much
too enigmatical a being for me to solve
in an hour’s interview, and an instinct
told me that the slightest attempt at direct cross-examination would make her withdraw into her shell; I could only
sit still and watch, as one does in the
woods; I must name my bird without a
gun, as recommended by Emerson. Under this necessity I had no opportunity
to see that human and humorous side of
her which is strongly emphasized by her
nearer friends, and which shows itself
in her quaint and unique description of a
rural burglary, contained in the volume
of her poems. Hence, even her letters
to me show her mainly on her exaltée
side; and should a volume of her correspondence ever be printed, it is very
desirable that it should contain some of
her letters to friends of closer and more
familiar intimacy.
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